“Really? I felt like such a selfish asshole!”
“No! It’s 100% a normal reaction – compassion fatigue is REAL.”
This was the end of a long text exchange with a friend after a personal crisis that she was, frankly, just over dealing with. She was giving herself a hard time for not being more understanding and compassionate in her interactions or responses with friends and family.
Boss Talk friends, let’s give ourselves some grace. We have been dealing with the collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic for more than a year. Each of us are dealing with our own trauma and stress every single moment of every day. It’s exhausting. And for those serving in a “helper” role either professionally (people serving organizations) and/or personally (as family caregiver), compassion fatigue is inevitable.
Compassion fatigue happens when we take on the suffering of clients or loved ones who have experienced extreme stress or trauma.The American Psychological Association describes it in this way:
“It is an occupational hazard of any professionals who use their emotions, their heart and represents the psychological cost of healing others. It’s like a dark cloud that hangs over your head, goes wherever you go and invades your thoughts…It’s empathy overload and symptoms can include anxiety, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, numbness or feelings of having nothing left to give.”
Sound familiar? Combine that with just general burnout of carrying a heavier than usual workload and a global pandemic and it’s the perfect storm.
I’m guessing if you are reading this you don’t need someone else telling you the importance of practicing self care. But you might just want someone to normalize (or identify with) what you are feeling – like in the text exchange above.
If no one has told you yet, please allow me:
What you are feeling is not because you are a bad person but rather your body and your mind signaling they are overwhelmed. Think about it like this: We often say we have “a lot on our plates” but we don’t often stop to think that everyone has different plates. Some people have large platters while others have small dessert plates. Some are made of sturdy material like hard plastic while others are made of flimsy paper material. Our individual life experiences, personalities, coping mechanisms and so much more determine the size and strength of our plates. No one plate can hold it all and each of us reach our breaking point at different times.
So what happens when our “plate” bends or breaks? Or how do we *hopefully* prevent it from getting to that point? Here’s three things you can do, in true Boss Talk “Read, Listen, Do” form:
Read: Read up on your options for therapy – like Better Help, TalkSpace. Look through your employee insurance benefits and/or your company’s employee assistance program to see what services are available to you – free of charge or at a reduced rate.
Listen: Lazy Genius: How to Feel Like a Person with Aundi Kolber (self compassion exercise!) Who You Callin’ Holistic? Self Care September (reiki, meditation and more!) We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle: You’re NOT A MESS. The world is (mama Glennon validating all our feelings, as always!).
Do: Set boundaries. “No” is a complete sentence. Adjust your social media diet – your social media diet. We are bombarded every day with bad news. It’s ok to “turn off and tune out” to protect yourself. Stay tuned for a social media “challenge” coming soon from Boss Talk.
Take care of you, friends.
-#MoxieMegs
